Yes

How can you say “Yes”, when you’ve already said No?  This simple yet complex question had continued to arise within me over the past month.  During this time, I was also in the midst of a 30-day fast and felt the urging to meditate on the song – Yes, by Shekinah Glory, and thus I did so for some time.  I didn’t understand the urging, but I trusted what I heard.  I knew under the surface, even after the wonderful transformation that had taken place in my life -- the shapeshifting, clarity of purpose, acceptance of my spiritual journey as a personal one, and the trusting of and tuning in to my authentic voice (God’s voice) – there still remained a sort of internal resistance when opportunities or blessings were presented to me.  There was a cycle that went Yes-Maybe-No-Yes.  However, if I were truthful, the primary cycle within me was “Absolutely Not—Let Me Think on That—I Need More Information—Maybe—Well, Okay—Yes.” 

In reflection of my graceful makeover, I had let go of everything in my life that no longer served me.  Life had become peaceful, loving, and fruitful.  I had simply surrendered and committed to stop all the busy-ness for others, to let my life unfold, to trust and listen internally and be present for myself.  Most importantly, I left go of anything that was inauthentic, toxic, dead or counterproductive to my growth.  I wanted to be surrounded by people and activities that supported and nourished me – to be selfish with each moment that God allowed me to breathe.  I let go of my obsessive planning, and need to know, and learned to go with the flow of life.  Then as I scanned my current landscape, I realized that what I thought was an ending, was actually a beginning.  God had been pruning my life in order to bear more fruit.  His Shears had been at work. 

As the fruit multiplied, I looked up one day and had become overwhelmed by the rate of increase and disorganized by juggling multiple baskets.  The writing projects, requests for inspirational speaking, leadership opportunities, and blessings in family life were all commencing at one time – while the normal routines of life had to continue.  I could now see how the break from school was orchestrated for me to move into a new level of divine purpose, and to stabilize myself for a better educational experience.  It was time for me to activate all my gifts and talents, and the vision that flashed before me was overwhelming.  As I recalled my song of meditation, the foundation says – “If I told you all I had in store for you, would you still say Yes?”  Truthfully told, the answer would be No, as the vision seemed insurmountable. 

As I examined the history of my counterproductive cycle of reaching a Yes, I pondered about the origin.  It was not fear, lack of confidence, doing too much, or any such like.  I had fully reached a point of clarity of purpose and understanding of my skills, strengths, challenges and desires – along with my limitations, and knew how to reach out to the angels God assigned me.  What I was in fact responding to, was a childhood pattern I learned that facilitated my response to life.  That reflex pattern required me to assess the environment, size up a situation, shelter my mental and emotional reactions, and then determine my response to move out in a safe manner.  Thus, the life experiences of my journey shaped my personality and strengths in the areas of organization, structure, analysis and strategic planning – and these skills work wonders in my business career and managing a household.  Yet in the softer things of life such as following my intuition, spirit, or heart to guide me, as well as stepping confidently into new levels of mastery, I stumbled – as this reflex created a seesaw struggle in which I vacillated, that I could now see needed to be overcome.

As I continue to meditate on the song from my internal guide, I can more gently remember the Shapeshifting and Tuning-In, the value to Know Thy Self, and the many Grace’s that continue to unfold before me.  I can see in God’s love the Shear Madness.  His strategy for coaxing greater harvest is initially not more, but less – to prune, thin, reduce and cut off.  He simply asks that I give Him permission.

So what is God up to in my life?  And the answer is simply – an Old Vineyard with a New Perspective.  What exactly is fruit?  I guess in practical terms, fruit represents good works – a thought, attitude, or action that God values because it glories Him.  Where does all this fruit get stored that creates an overwhelming abundance?  I guess that is not for my concern, but that of the Vinedresser.  What is the result of my response to His request for permission?  If Yes – I now see that an exuberant freedom to bless others will flourish.  What do you do when the basket begins to overflow and it appears you cannot carry all the fruit?  Being God, I assume He is smart enough to provide the soil and fertilizer for you to flourish under His Shears.  And as I look in my side view, I hear one of my favorite songs by India Aire – as a “Beautiful Surprise” of a man says – “I would like to be here, do you have room?  I would like to help, will you receive it? I would like to teach you, will you learn from me?”  And with no concern for the outcome or need for analysis, as I learn the blessing of living fully in each moment, with a simple Tuning In to my Authentic Self – I say Yes.


Grace