Authenticity

Last week I walked away from the academic program I had been participating in for the past two years.  I was pursuing a degree to support me as I shift into my calling, and prepare for my life’s work.  In December, I completed the first level of my program with a GPA of 4.0 and was excited about the next level of development.  To my dismay, I found resistance everywhere I turned as I attempted to register for class, fund my education, and get guidance from faculty and staff.  Over the course of two months, I could get no one to return my phone calls or emails.  I’d been to campus several times and the required people were never in or available.  The few live connections I made left me feeling as if I was an irritant, even though I was paying the required tuition and fees. 

Three days before the semester was to begin, I just sat and cried.  I had the option to attempt another visit to campus and demand the service that was due me.  I could go and sit and wait for hours until the right person showed up, have my needs met, and the errors corrected.  I’d do this while stuffing my true feelings so I didn’t rock the boat, and while dreading the repetition of this cycle.  Does this serve me, I asked?  Does it represent who I am?  Is this the experience I choose?  Does this represent the educational quality I am seeking?  And in the blink of an eye, I wiped my tears, lifted my head, and walked away, with no concern about my intended educational journey.  In fact, as I considered my life, there were new levels of development emerging on various fronts.  This was simply another call to come forth, which this time I heard – because I was listening.

When I show up for life, life shows up for me.  Showing up means being authentic.  Authenticity – as defined by Webster – is an accurate representation of the facts, or to be reliable or original, and not false.  As I pondered the situation before me, I realized that many challenges within my educational institution had always been there.  It wasn’t until that moment, that I became aware of my two years of unhappiness.  As I recalled the professor who held final classes at Outback Steakhouse, I surrendered my dismay.  It was I that simply accepted the lack of quality that was presented to me.  It was I that accepted that receiving less than I truly wanted was my only option.  It was I who had closed my eyes two years ago because I didn’t trust that God would provide for me to attend the school of my choice.  In reflection upon my college acceptance letters, this school was not my first choice.  It was I who had not been authentic with me. 

Authenticity requires being present.  To be present means paying undistracted attention to reality.  This is constant meditation.  When I am aware and focus on the present, I activate my life.  My living is no longer about my past (experiences) or future (fears).  The current moment becomes all that matters.  In each moment, I address issues and respond based on the truth.  Fear, doubt, and confusion have no place of entrance for there are no worries within me.  Negativity and toxicity are defused for these are all illusions or projections.  When I focus on what I feel now, what I need now, and what concerns me now – and respond – my authentic nature shows up.  I spontaneously bring forth what is best for me and others.  There is no worry for how others perceive me, for I am right within myself.  There is no separation between my personal and professional life.  There is only one me and the persona falls away.  There is no more hiding, for I have stepped into the light, by returning to myself.  Those entering my presence are shined upon, and they choose whether to remain or to go.  My job is simply to be present and to love.  My light shines on my environment and reflects my true character.  What surrounds me is of my choosing.  I cease trying to make things work.  In each moment I have only two choices – to say Yes, or to shift my energy and focus and say Yes to something different.  In each moment I AM – and all is as it should be.  Because I AM here, and have shown up, I AM here for myself.  When I AM here for myself, I can be here for you.  It cannot happen in reverse.  When I AM here for myself, all will unfold as it should.

- Grace